I've been doing a surprising lack of reporting on NaNoWriMo this year--I haven't really felt like using LJ until yesterday, I guess that's why. In any case, here's an update on how it's going for me so far.

Right now I'm closing in on 24k. This is about 7k ahead of where I should be right now, so I feel like I'm doing pretty well. I feel like I should be at 50k already because hervictory is, but I need to respect my own pace. This is faster than I went last year or the year before, so I think I'm good. I'm enjoying the process, though I think I may have bitten off more than I can chew, plotwise. This story isn't even warmed up yet, and I'm almost halfway done with my obligatory word count. Up until the last thousand words or so I've just been like "my cast, let me show you it", because I have so many main characters and it takes a while to introduce them all and establish their motivation and relationship to the story as a whole. I'm still not even done, and I think I rushed that part too much and need to go back and add a few more scenes to flesh it out. I have a feeling that, if I finish this story, it's going to be much longer than 50k.

So far, I'm really liking my characters. Vincent is a merciless bastard who is terrified of his baby sister's insane magical powers and who has daddy issues and jealousy issues and organ failure issues. Rhiannon is batshit, and totally intolerant and unsympathetic. Noah is hot. I don't even know, everybody seems to want to fuck the poor bastard. I'm going to make him rather unpretty soon, with all the illness. Tobias is really possessive and jealous, a surprise because he's based on my RP!Matt, who isn't that way at all. Mikaela is extremely loud and overemotional. Sandeep is a drunken sex god/adorable woobie. I'm really not sure what to make of him, but I think I'm writing him the way he's meant to be. He's meant to be sort of like a drunk/hypersexual Prince Myshkin, if that makes any sense to anyone. Natalie is a pre-teen, which I've discovered I enjoy writing. Camilla is...there. I need to give that girl some more spark.

All in all though, I like the people I've assembled. And I like my plot, which is only just beginning to warm up. Noah has to go to the hospital after having a seizure, and I'm going to use this to start an affair between Rhiannon and Sandeep, and to jump start Tobias' resentment toward Noah. Also Rhiannon apparently experiences releasing her powers (making people ill) as orgasmic. Things are going to get fucked up, to say the least. But it's a good thing. I'm having fun with it, and I hope those of you who are participating in NaNo are enjoying yourselves and doing well too. ♥

1. I am incredibly pleased with my choice in life partner. Erik and I had a discussion tonight which could have been an argument but wasn't. We were a bit upset with each other due to a misunderstanding. I knew I was misunderstanding, but I was upset nonetheless, because what he said made me feel condescended to and it tapped into a lot of issues regarding growing up with no money. He wanted me to dress up for our anniversary, but the way he phrased it and the way I interpreted it ended up made me feel like I had to live up to some ridiculous standard of dress/behavior that I do not want to worry about meeting with him, and the way he interpreted it and the way I phrased my end made him think I didn't really care about our anniversary. We were able to tell each other exactly how we felt, explain what we really met, respect the fact that the other felt a certain way despite what we meant, and move on to talking about how his pinky toes could be compared to antlers. This was all online, but our "arguments" IRL work like this too. I love love love this style of interaction. We don't yell, we talk out our issues like reasonable human beings. We listen to each other and respect each other's points. We're probably going to fight more when we finally live together, I have no illusions about that--but I love that we can acknowledge that to each other! I love that we can say, "this might not work because not all relationships do, but we're going to give it our best damn shot", and have that be romantic.

I fucking love Erik. When I don't see him for a month and I don't get to talk to him as much as I'd like, I sometimes forget what made me fall for him in the first place--I love being reminded, even if it's via argument. I'm seeing him on Thursday to celebrate our third anniversary, and I cannot wait.

2. I need to spend more time outside. I realized today that I've become quite the little hermit. I work weekends, but during the week I just stay in my dorm unless I have somewhere I need to be. Even then, I avoid going food shopping or running errands that aren't necessary, because I don't feel like going out or I have work to do. My number of friends at school has decreased significantly in the past few years, as people graduated or transferred or decided they didn't like me anymore. The only person at school I'd call a good friend at this point is Kim, and she's my roommate. So I have no reason to go out--most of my friends are scattered around the city and not anywhere near me. That's bad for me. Even if I'm not socializing, I shouldn't spend the whole day inside. Staying at the computer makes my back hurt, and obsessing over stupid crap like dn_anon is bad for my brain.

I went out for a walk tonight because I felt really restless. It was lovely. It was a beautiful night, it was great to move my body, and it was great to be alone with my thoughts and with silence. I think I want to make a habit of this--until it gets too cold for it to be pleasant, anyway. Even if I'm doing homework all day, or just being lazy, I'll make some time to go outdoors.

3. Ahead By A Century - The Tragically Hip

Well, NaNoWriMo is off to a less-than-fortuitous start. I got off work after an 11-hour shift, and I was exhausted. I spent some time hanging out with reka, eating food and laughing hysterically at a Pokemon-themed light show on her ceiling, and I did try to get some writing done before going to bed. But I only wrote about 600 words, and I have to go to work again today. Yeah, I'm not off to a good start. I did have a dream where somebody (who looked quite a good deal like L) unintentionally and magically gave about twenty people diabetes. This may be a sign, but of what, I don't know.

Congratulations to those who are doing well, and good luck to those who are struggling!

10 15 WORDS OR LESS meme
→You post a pairing.
→Any character(s) you want from Death Note, Fruits Basket, Digimon 01/02, or any of my original works.
→I write 10 different categories.
→Each in 10 words 15 words or less. I get 5 extra words because I, like hervictory, rule.
→Post as many pairings as you want. ♥

❶. Angst:
❷. AU:
❸. Crack!fic:
❹. Crossover:
❺. First Time:
❻. Fluff:
❼. Humor:
❽. Hurt/Comfort:
❾. Smut:
❿. UST:

It's one week until NaNoWriMo begins! IS ANYBDOY AS PSYCHED AS I AM??

As I mentioned earlier, I had planned to make a soundtrack based on my 2008 NaNo, Little Bloody Rivers. NaNoWriMo is an event fueled by music, so there's a lot that inspired me, and a lot that reminds me of the characters and the story. So you should check this out, for one thing because it might add a little to the story itself, and for another thing it's a great way to get some kickass free music. ♥

( /you will be safe in here/ )

All over New York City subway system, I keep seeing signs that ask passengers not to give change to panhandlers and homeless people. I've got to say, very few things I've seen in the city have annoyed me more than this. The posters claim to encourage giving money to charities instead of giving them directly to the person asking for it. The thing is, very few people are going to do that. They might take the first step--not giving money to a person who is right there and showing obvious need, but far fewer people will take the next step and give that money to a charity. People give, and that's great, but it's not nearly as common, or easy, as giving away your spare change. As such, this campaign discourages generosity, and it makes sure that the homeless get less.

Now, I understand that they don't want to encourage panhandling. It's disruptive, and it can sometimes be annoying. But I can't understand why it should be illegal. There's the fact that sometimes the money is going to fuel a drug habit, but honestly, that's irrelevant. A person's paycheck could go towards that, but that doesn't mean they shouldn't get that paycheck, does it? There's the chance that the person asking for money doesn't actually need it, but again, I don't care. They have some reason for asking for it, and there's no way that the onlooker could know. A charity might not know this either!

Everybody has a choice about whether or not they give money to homeless people. Everyone has their own set of criteria for who they'll give to and who they won't. I won't give if I'm tired and my wallet isn't easily accessible. I won't give if I don't have any small bills or coins with me. I won't give if I find them annoying--if they demand money, corner me directly, or are doing a performance that I don't like. I think I ought to give more often than I do, and no, it doesn't matter to me that it might be a scam or that they might use it on drugs. Better to buy drugs with change freely given to you than to steal them or hurt someone for them, right? Who am I to judge what people need, or deserve? I have no idea, but I don't see why I should assume that there are no homeless people who need food, and that everyone is trying to scam me. And I don't see why a city that houses so many homeless people should discourage those who can afford it and want to give it from giving up the change in their pockets!

It just makes me angry. It's good to give to charities, but what one gives to a charity usually far exceeds what most people are willing or able to give. It's also less convenient, and less emotionally satisfying than looking someone in the eye and saying, "here, take this." Many people will not take that next step, and giving to panhandlers is the only way some people are helping. Discouraging that means that many people won't do anything at all. Not to mention the fact that charities can be scams too, and it's hard to know where your money is going when you give to them. I'm all for encouraging giving money to legitimate charities, but discouraging other forms of giving is not the way to do it, and I'm disgusted that my city is using such a tactic. What, if we discourage panhandling, are the homeless just going to go away? No way in hell. Oh, but maybe it'd be better to force them out of the city, or put them in jail. No, no, no.

I don't know how to solve this problem, but this is not it. Discouraging kindness is wrong, and goddamn it, that's what this is. I love my city, but these advertisements can go straight to hell.

Title: Has a Face
Author: speaky_bean
Characters/Pairings: L, B, A.
Rating: R
Word Count: 3,715
Notes: I got this idea from an RP-sequence I had with my sister ich_bin_puppy. I decided I really liked the idea and ought to expand on it. What started off as a simple hallucination caused by L’s profound lack of sleep turned into a nightmare where he finds himself being accused by A’s corpse of killing him, and then being physically and mentally assaulted by B. This is by far one of the strangest things I’ve written in a long time. The language includes a lot of bizarre metaphors and similes, and reality is rather tenuous here. I would call this a hallucination/psychological portrait, and I would not say that it makes perfect sense. This is very experimental for me, so I hope it turned out well! This was written for week #81 - hallucination, at dn_contest.
Warnings: This gets very gory and graphic in parts. I did a lot of research on how to accurately describe the victim of hanging, and I was shuddering as I wrote some of this. Please keep that in mind!

( And so, everything beautiful that L has ever done caused A to die. And so, this noxious beast hanging from the rafters belongs to L. He may as well have tied the noose himself. )

Annie-Dog - Smashing Pumpkins

I just wanted to say that I feel really fucking blessed to have the people I do in my life. I had a bit of a meltdown, over something I've talked about at length on this journal. My terror of the future, my feeling that I don't deserve a good future because I ruined my mom's life by being born, my fear of becoming my mother, etc. etc. etc. I don't feel like going into it now (believe me, you're bound to hear about it later), but I just wanted to say that, number one, hervictory is fucking amazing. In spite of the fact that she had work in the morning, and she'd just finished talking someone else through an emotional crisis, she was willing to listen to me blathering on about my bullshit. I love this girl. Number two, my roommate is awesome. While thinking about this, I ended up crying a bit, and my roommate talked to me, hugged me, and made me tea. I love her too.

I'm still not over these complexes and I know they're going to come up again, but it just makes me so happy to know that there are people I can discuss it with who will understand and be supportive. And there are other people who I know would too, who just didn't happen to be awake or around at 3 AM. No matter what else might be wrong with my life, I have that. So thank you hervictory, and Kim, and everybody else in the world who is like them. I'm being sappy, and maudlin, and silly right now, I know. But I'm actually very, very happy.